I really wanted to write about this because it explains exactly how I am and have been feeling for the past two weeks. Life has taken an unexpected turn for me. It is a turn that I thought about, but never for too long, because of my fears.
‘What if things don’t go the way I've planned?’
It’s one of those questions that one asks while making plans for their future.
Since my sudden move to Lagos, I have doubted everything that I know. I have questioned my values and boundaries. I have asked God many questions without receiving any answers. Worst of all, I feel disconnected from Him somehow. I pray but that comfort from prayer seems so far from me. I have no control over my emotions. All these things summed up can’t top the emotional beat down I've given myself. Even though I know that the most important thing I can do for myself is to be strong and have faith, I can’t seem to pull myself together.
I intended to post an article about boosting one’s confidence when ‘Christianese’ doesn't help the situation but I'm so incompetent because now I am in my own pit and can’t help myself.
‘You’ll be OK. Don’t worry’
‘God has singled you out for a testimony’
‘What you want will come to pass’
‘Remember the story of Joseph and that of Job’
Really?! Is that supposed to be encouraging? I don’t want to be Joseph or Job. The truth is nobody wants to be Joseph or Job.
What happens when you are tested on the verses you have equipped yourself with? Verses like Philippians 4:13...
'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'
I feel like I know nothing. Everything I think I know is not knowledge.
These feelings have made me become insecure in my own abilities. Since I question everything that I know, what exactly is truth and fact? What is the truth and fact that can never change in a person’s life?
John 3:16
Such a simple verse but one of the most important I think we all need to remember always. This is a great example of perfect Love. I can’t say that I have fully grasped what this type of love is.
Maybe this is a good thing to do; to strip back to the key truths that we have learnt as Christians. Maybe sometimes we need to step out of our compounded knowledge and just ponder on the key facts.
I don’t always get it right. I would hate for you to see me that way. I hope to learn from you as I share my experiences and thoughts. I want to encourage you to leave your experiences and thoughts on how you have managed with drastic changes and emotional roller coasters.
Even in my crazy state I still think that doing life together is more beneficial than doing life alone.
Lots of love
Xxx
